In a recent study exploring how Toxoplasma gondii seizes control of immune cells through early, stealthy suppression, researchers uncovered a strategy so cunning a movie villain could have devised it.
And in Betty Chung's household, one charismatic orange feline—Eddie, Lord of Fluff and Shadows—appears to have taken notes.
Much like the parasite’s rapid takeover of macrophages, Eddie has perfected the art of early manipulation: a well-timed glare here, a disarming purr there, and suddenly all human defences collapse. This diary blends scientific insight with Eddie’s own theatrical approach to domination, showing how both parasite and cat achieve power not through brute force, but through subtle, immediate reprogramming of their hosts.
THE SECRET DIARY OF EDDIE, LORD OF FLUFF AND SHADOWS
(Found mysteriously at the scene of a toppled scratching post.)
Entry 1 — Lair Secured
At last, I, Eddie, Supreme Fluff of the Ninth Carpeted Realm, recline in my command chamber — the curved track that my humans foolishly believe is a “toy.”
No.
It is my war table.
I settle into place, my tail cascading like a fiery plume.
The room dims.
A dramatic spotlight appears (perhaps imagined, perhaps summoned).
Let the conquest begin.
Entry 2 — The Minion Situation
The household macrophages — or as some call them, “humans” — scurry around, unaware of my schemes.
They believe I nap.
Ha.
While they bustle, I study their routines.
The feeding schedule.
The toy distribution pattern.
The weaknesses.
Every great villain knows:
Control the environment, control the world.
Entry 3 — Psychological Warfare
Tonight, I unleashed my most devastating technique…
The Silent Stare.
I perched upon my running wheel, fluffed to cinematic volume, and gazed downward with the look of a cat who knows ancient secrets and judges your life choices.
They froze.
They questioned everything.
Perfect.
Fear is a ladder, and I climb it with soft paws.
Entry 4 — Henchbeast Recruited
I discovered a small blue creature lying nearby — round-bodied, silly-faced, stuffed with fluff.
It will serve as my henchbeast.
Name: Snargle the Subjugated.
Role: Intimidation via squeaking.
I have positioned him strategically beside my lair to warn intruders.
He squeaks on command.
Mostly.
Entry 5 — Phase 1 of the Plan: Immune Suppression
Like the parasite whose work I admire, I begin my takeover subtly.
I purr.
I flop dramatically.
I expose the belly — a risky manoeuvre, but essential for infiltration.
The humans melt.
Their defenses crumble.
In this state, they are incapable of resisting my requests, demands, or 2 a.m. haunting rituals.
Soon they will obey without question.
Entry 6 — Future Conquests
Once complete control is achieved, I shall expand my empire:
The forbidden shelf.
The room with the mysterious door that never stays open.
The box labelled “Do Not Sit.”
And ultimately… the vet’s computer systems, which I will destroy for the good of all felines.
For now, I rest.
A villain must pace himself.
Plots require energy.
And also snacks.
Read the paper here: https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0336849